Behavioral patterns
Why you trip over the same stone again and again — and how to stop reacting to the past to start designing, with authority, your future.
Almost all your decisions, even if they seem like the result of logic, are the tip of the iceberg of a much deeper structure. When something repeats itself —a relationship that ends the same way, a project you sabotage, an anger that always explodes for the same reason— it is not bad luck or a lack of willpower. It is a message.
This workshop mixes two things that almost never go together: the clinical rigor of Schema Therapy (the most used model to break lifelong patterns) and the deep perspective of Jungian psychology on the Shadow and the unconscious. It is not theory to keep pretty in your head: each module ends with an exercise you can do today.
Understand
Where your patterns come from and why they repeat.
Observe yourself
Recognize your Shadow and your automatic reaction style.
Intervene
Concrete tools to break the cycle.
Transform
Let go of what no longer serves you and design an authentic life.
Advance module by module, without skipping the exercises. Insight (understanding) is not enough: clinical science is clear that change fades if there is no practice. Your progress is saved only on this device, so you can leave and return whenever you want.
Why we repeat the same mistakes
Before changing a pattern, you have to understand who is driving it. And it is almost never "you" in the conscious sense.
Imagine an iceberg. What you see above the water—your intentions, your promises of "this time for sure," your logic—is barely 10%. Below, in the 90% you don't see, lives the unconscious: forces, wounds, and programs that steer the ship while you think you have the helm.
Repetition is a language
Carl Jung put it this way: the unconscious is not a basement of forgotten memories, it is an active force that communicates. When you systematically fall into the same error, the unconscious is sending you a message about an unhealed wound or an unmet need. And as long as you don't listen to it, that cycle will keep appearing disguised as "fate".
It is not weakness. It is not a lack of willpower. It is a message. Your unconscious repeats because there is something you have not yet wanted to look at.
Name your stone
Identify a a pattern that repeats in your life (in relationships, work, money, or health). Answer with brutal honesty:
- What is the mistake that keeps coming back, even though you promise yourself it won't?
- What do you usually "promise yourself" right before falling again?
- What do you feel in your body seconds before repeating it?
Quiz · Module 01
The Shadow and the mirror effect
What you repress does not disappear: it takes control from the darkness and guides your decisions without you noticing.
To be accepted, we all learned to hide parts of ourselves that didn't fit the image we wanted to project. Jung called that polished image the Persona; and what was hidden, the Shadow. Note: the Shadow is not "evil." It is everything we deny: anger, ambition, need, vulnerability, desire.
The Persona
The image we want to project: what is acceptable, what is validated by the outside world.
The Shadow
The repressed. It is not evil, but rather everything we hide because it doesn't fit our ideal image.
Ignoring the Shadow doesn't make it disappear; it hands it the steering wheel. It guides your decisions from the darkness — exactly the ones you don't understand why you made later on.
The mirror effect (projection)
The Shadow reveals itself through projection: the people who irritate you the most and the situations that frustrate you the most are no coincidence. They are mirrors of what you don't accept in yourself. When something "pushes your buttons" disproportionately, there is hidden material of yours there.
The mirror of irritation
Think of a person who irritates you disproportionately (not actual, serious harm — that's something else — but someone who "triggers" you for no clear reason).
- Which specific trait of theirs bothers you?
- Complete this sentence with courage: "What bothers me about that person is something that I... (also do / fear doing / do not allow myself to do)".
- What denied part of yourself might they be reflecting back to you?
Quiz · Module 02
Schemas: the programs of childhood
Many of your adult reactions are "programs" you installed as a child to survive. Today, they filter your entire reality.
The Schema Therapy (Jeffrey Young) calls early maladaptive schemas these structures: deep beliefs about yourself and the world that formed when a basic need went unmet. They function as the lens through which you see everything — and like any lens, you don't notice it: you believe that is reality.
Map of frequent schemas
You do not need to have all of them. There are usually 2 or 3 that you recognize immediately — those are your working material.
Abandonment / Instability
Chronic panic over loss. You choose unavailable partners or suffocate your bonds out of fear that they will leave.
Mistrust / Abuse
Hypervigilance. You assume others have hidden intentions or that sooner or later they will take advantage of you.
Emotional deprivation
Sense of emptiness and the conviction that no one will truly be there for you. You grew up with cold or distant affection.
Defectiveness / Shame
You feel "flawed" on the inside and use perfect masks to hide your supposed unworthiness.
Failure
You compare yourself downward, sabotage your efforts, or cannot recognize your achievements. You were made to feel incompetent.
Subjugation
You surrender your will to avoid conflict or punishment. You learned to endure to survive a dominant figure.
You are not your abandonment wound. You are someone who has an active abandonment schema. Identifying with the mask is the true prison. As soon as you recognize that it is a program—and not your identity—the past ceases to be destiny and becomes information that you can process.
Your personal map
- From the cards above, which 2 or 3 resonated with you the most?
- For each one, write a scene from your childhood that could have "installed" that belief.
- Rewrite each schema in "I have" format, not "I am". E.g.: "I have a failure schema; I am not a failure."
Quiz · Module 03
Your three coping styles
Repeating mistakes is not a character flaw: it is a survival strategy that was useful at the time and today sabotages you.
When a schema is activated, you do not respond from a place of calm: you react with one of three automatic styles. Recognizing which one you use in each situation is half the battle won.
You give in to the schema and act as if it were an absolute truth. You choose situations that confirm the pain.
She assumes the role of total caregiver for everyone, but asks for nothing for herself. She confirms her self-sacrifice schema over and over: "I take care of everyone, but no one takes care of me".
You flee from situations, people, or thoughts that trigger discomfort. You avoid the pain… and also the growth.
He postpones his academic tasks (avoidance) so as not to face the pain of his failure schema. The more he avoids, the more the belief that he is not capable is confirmed.
You act in the opposite way to the schema, often in an extreme or aggressive way. On the outside you look strong; on the inside you cover the wound.
Reacts with aggressiveness and dominance toward her partner to hide her deep subjugation schema. She yells and controls to avoid feeling controlled.
The same schema, three faces
We project these styles onto others and, unintentionally, recreate the very emptiness we were trying to avoid. What was a necessary defense in childhood is today the behavior that sabotages your happiness.
What is your default reaction?
- Take the pattern you named in Module 01.
- When triggered, do you surrender, avoid, or overcompensate? (It may be different depending on the area: relationship vs. work.)
- Write down the physical or mental "warning sign" that appears right before reacting that way.
Quiz · Module 04
From "being" the story to "having" a program
The crucial breakthrough is not knowing more, but stopping your identification with the wound. That is where freedom begins.
There are two paths when facing a pattern. One keeps you trapped; the other gives you back your power. The difference is not in what happened to you, but in where you look.
The "so what": from story to program
As long as you say "I am an insecure person", insecurity is your identity and there is nothing to be done. As soon as you say "I have an insecurity program that I learned at age 8", distance appears. And in that distance, choice fits. Schemas are obsolete narratives, not absolute truths. You have the power to rewrite your narrative.
The more you reject a part of yourself, the more power you give it to manifest as error, conflict, and suffering. The way out is not to fight the Shadow, but to integrate it: accept and unite all your parts, including the ones you think are "weak" or "broken".
Rewrite the phrase
Take 3 phrases you tell yourself starting with "I am" and turn them into "I have / sometimes I do".
- "I am a disaster with money" → "I have a pattern of avoiding my finances that I can change".
- "I am too intense" → …
- "Nobody really loves me" → …
Quiz · Module 05
Self-talk and reparenting
Inside you, three "characters" coexist. Change happens when one of them takes the reins with wisdom and compassion.
Schema Therapy proposes visualizing three internal parts that come into conflict. The goal is not to eliminate any of them, but rather for the Healthy Adult to learn to mediate — to "reparent" the wounded child within you.
The Vulnerable Child
The part that feels the original pain of the schema: the child who cries because mom didn't come back, the one who felt not good enough.
The Dysfunctional Parent
The internalized critical voice that punishes or demands perfection. It usually sounds like an authority figure from your past.
The Healthy Adult
Your conscious and compassionate part. Its mission: to validate the Child's pain ("I understand you are afraid") and to set firm limits on the schema ("but we are not going to attack your partner just because we feel vulnerable").
Giving your inner Child what it did not receive: presence, validation, security. When the Healthy Adult satisfies those needs, the Child stops desperately seeking them in external or harmful sources (partners who are not right for you, validation from strangers, food, alcohol).
Your first mode dialogue
Recall a recent situation where you reacted poorly. Write a brief three-voice dialogue:
- Child: What did you feel and fear in that moment? (Speak from fear, not from logic.)
- Critical Parent: What did you tell yourself? ("You're useless", "they're going to leave you"…)
- Healthy Adult: Respond to the Child with compassion and to the Parent with a firm boundary.
Quiz · Module 06
Your toolkit for breaking the cycle
The longest and most crucial phase of change. Insight is not enough: here we move from understanding to acting.
A common mistake is believing that understanding why we do something already resolves it. It doesn't. Progress dilutes if there is no persistent behavioral modification. These are the clinical tools that actually move the needle.
1 · Prioritize the most problematic behavior
Start with the behavior that causes you the most distress or interferes the most in your life — not the easiest one. Attacking secondary problems first is usually, once again, disguised avoidance that disperses your energy.
2 · The reminder card
It is your psychological "first aid kit" for a moment of crisis. You carry it on your phone or in your wallet and read it right when you feel the urge to relapse. It has four parts:
3 · Imagery and role-play
Before facing a feared situation, visualize yourself acting from your Healthy Adult. Mental rehearsal weakens the automatic pattern and trains your brain for a new response before the actual action. You can also act it out loud or with someone you trust.
4 · Behavioral task + self-monitoring
Turn the healthy behavior into a concrete and specific task for the week, and write down what happened: what you thought, what you felt, what you did, how the other person responded. What gets measured, gets transformed.
Fear is not an enemy; it is a teacher. Behind every fear is a deep desire to be free. We repeat what is known out of fear of rejection and failure — by going through it, you recover the parts of yourself that you had lost.
Write YOUR reminder card
For the pattern you have been working on, complete the four parts:
- Situation that triggers the pattern.
- Schema that is activated (from Module 03).
- The truth that your Healthy Adult would say.
- The healthy behavior concrete that you will do instead of the automatic one.
Quiz · Module 07
Letting go, the spiral, and synchronicity
The reward for this work is not perfection, but alignment with your essence — and a life that begins to flow.
The act of letting go (pruning)
Transforming yourself requires the courage to let go of relationships, masks, and habits that no longer serve your growth. Letting go is not weakness; it is self-love. The void they leave behind is not a tragic end: it is a sacred space. For something new to bloom, you must first make room for it.
The spiral of growth
The process is not linear. When you face an old pattern again, you haven't returned to the beginning: you are facing the same lesson, but from a higher level, with more awareness and wisdom. What looks like a setback is almost always another turn of the spiral.
The reward: synchronicity
Jung called it synchronicity to the meaningful coincidence between your internal world and external events. It is not magic or chance: when you strengthen your Healthy Adult and stop self-sabotaging, your energy is no longer fragmented by internal conflict. And then, like magic that isn't magic, the right people appear and opportunities flow.
Taking off your masks can be uncomfortable and lonely at first: some people who only resonated with your performed version will walk away. That is okay. There is no greater burden for the soul than an unlived life.
What needs pruning?
- Name a relationship, belief, or habit that no longer serves your growth.
- What do you fear will happen if you let it go? And what would open up if you did?
- Write the message you send to your unconscious when you let go: "I am ready for something better."
Quiz · Module 08
You are the architect of your destiny
Everything you need to change is already within you. The world you see outside is, in large part, a reflection of what you carry inside.
You traveled the entire map: from the iceberg to the mirror effect, from your schemas to your reaction styles, from mode dialogue to breaking tools. Now the work is practice — always remembering that the process is a spiral, not a straight line.
What you take with you
Your roadmap for the next 30 days
Week 1 — Observe without judgment
Each time you feel the trigger, ask yourself: "What is this trying to teach me?" instead of "Why does this always happen to me?". Just observe.
Week 2 — Use your card
Carry your reminder card (Module 07) and read it before instead of reacting. A single healthy behavior a day is already a real change.
Week 3 — Mode dialogue
When you fall into the pattern, do the three-voice dialogue. Let the Healthy Adult win the conversation.
Week 4 — Prune and let go
Take a concrete step to let go of what you named in Module 08. Make space for the new.
1) What part of me is asking to be integrated today: my frightened Child or my critical Parent? · 2) Does this reaction stem from my Healthy Adult or an old program? · 3) What is this difficulty trying to teach me about my Shadow?
Change your inner self, and you will transform your reality.
Change begins with you, but its light expands to everyone around you. You are not your mistakes or your past: you are the conscious architect of a destiny aligned with your deepest truth.
Keep growing with CMA+F
Your internal dialogue
The perfect complement: change how you talk to yourself.
Shadow and light
Deepen the integration of the parts you reject.
Emotional management
Respond instead of reacting, in your day-to-day life.
This workshop is a tool for self-knowledge and personal growth; it does not replace psychological therapy. If you are going through deep pain, thoughts that scare you, or a pattern that puts your well-being at risk, seek the support of a mental health professional. Asking for help is also an act of the Healthy Adult.
Sergio Varela · Founder of CMA+F · Partner at MiEmpresa Digital · Partner at VARSE Consulting
cmaf.com.mx